Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.
- The Carpenters
it was a horrid and childish thing to do. i was looking for an opening, and there it was right in front of me.
i tried to improve myself, but it seems that when i take one step forward, i have to take another step back. stuck, trapped, surrounded, engulfed.
you guys will always be my friends okay, and nothing anyone say could affect our friendship. well for chloe it's a little different, but i'm okay with her now. i realise that for some friends, we need to keep a distance between us, or else it would sour. take for example eunice, she's okay now:)
if i'm the reason behind your nightmares, please tell me what i can do to chase them away.
my violence trait seems to be getting worst, and the smallest incidents trigger me. i dont know what to do with myself. i used to live for the future, cause always carried the hope that it will be better, i could look forward to happiness. but that dream falls apart so easily, and i see the lies that bound it tight. something within me tells me not to give up on myself, but i think i've already had.
oh my i think i need to see a psychologist, but everytime i want to broach the topic to my parents, i back down again. i can't forgive them and the insecurities of so many things...the questions fired, i have no answer.
would life get better?
what if things end up worst?
what should i do?
what could i do?
will it work?
what would happen?
should i just...
paranoid, i share that too. kris tells me not to be so paranoid or people would be irritated. cause most of the time i'm worried that people would hate me and i keep complaining to her. gosh and i whine a lot, which suck. i do not want to whine, it's so disgusting.
sorry for everything i did that hurt you, disturbed you, worried you.
i drive myself crazy and i dont know why?
the cause
the effect
the reason behind it all
how?
all these just made me realise that we are all alone, when we have to solve an identity crisis, ro something that you can't let go.
i'm reminded of a book i read, it was very good, and i wish i bought it. the title was 'the onion girl'
i quoted a bit of it in my blog, and everything about the book just feels so right, as if it was written for me:) jilly has some old hurt from her childhood that she couldn't let go, but she has to mend that part of her by herself, before she could truly start living her life. rather a weird book:)
i won't send you any sadistic msgs again because i'm not gonna be sadistic anymore.
how about lets go recess together this coming monday?
let your heart out.